Silent Observer??

Ever since I can remember I love to just sit and watch people. Even when I was young, I would rather hide or sit back and observe (difficult to believe I know). In the mall, amusement parks, etc. it's fun to see people interact. Have you spent time waiting for someone and just sat and observed? It's funny to see the natural "hierarchy" evolve within a group of people? There always seems to be one who deems himself or herself "leader". This only works if the others comply. I think sometimes people go along with it because it's the easy thing to do rather than create conflict. I think it's the same with my Christian relationships. It's easier to be a "pew warmer" on Sunday morning. We just sit and watch the "Sunday show" then go out, have a big dinner and take a nap. It's easier than getting involved. It's easier than becoming invested. Investing takes time, money, effort and sometimes a leadership role. I have never been one who walked away from responsibility or a challenge, but I have observed some things in the church and I wish I could say things have changed, but people, generally speaking, are the same disappointing creatures unfortunately. Christians are imperfect to be sure, but with imperfection comes the understanding that we are a work in progress and it is actually work that we should be allowing the Lord to do in our lives. Have you ever driven past a construction site that never progresses? A little annoying correct? It just sits there and sits there and there is never any resolution. No one seems to want to take on the project of getting it done. I feel like it's the same in church. Either the person occupying the pew is happy to just show up at church, drop a few bucks in the plate and call it a day, or thinks they are too old and they've "done their time", or just doesn't care. Sad, really. Sometimes it's a little frustrating. When you make a presentation about a missions trip, or talk about a local ministry that needs help you get the nods of approval. "Oh yes, this is a worthwhile cause", or "It's so nice to see someone care". When the rubber meets the road and it's time for action or to put your money where your mouth is, the well wishes are apparently all that there is from this group of people. It all can be a little disconcerting. I think if just 15% of the people that warm the pews would simply take on the attitude that I am not just a pew warmer, but I wish to grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ and make an impact on this world, we could set the world on fire!! I cannot be responsible for anyone else except myself. I wonder how many others care enough about their own relationship with Jesus and those He cares about to do and not just to observe? Lord, help me be a willing participant in what you are doing!! "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth " Revelation 3:15-16

Blog? Check.

I've spent a lot of time since I've been married thinking about "stuff" or rather, going through crazy checklists in my head. I don't think my husband or my children fully appreciate literally how many hours of my life are spent constantly going through checklists in my head on their behalf. I think ahead to what I need to pack them for lunches, who needs which set of clothes for what day/function. I am doing it in the grocery store, at the gas station, at the house when I am cleaning up (which by the way, is EVERY morning after the guys leave), and when I get home for the day. There are times I think my husband or kids think I'm in my own world because I have a blank stare. It's not that, I'm just going through another checklist in my head. It's funny though, because this year I turned 40 and I am literally amazed at the fact there are times I am in the middle of my mental checklist and it's like someone pushed the reset button in my head. I have too much up there sometimes and I try to think about it all at the same time, which renders me useless. Oh well. Maybe that's the time I need to go take a nap. When I become an old lady some day I wonder what I will do with all the time saved not having to go through checklists in my mind. Maybe recover all the sleep I've lost over the years being a wife and mother? Who knows!

Character witness

It's been a few days since I posted something, not sure any experiences I've had this last week would merit a "post", but here goes. This last week showed me some insight into people's character. I am not a perfect person, not even close. I hope when asked, people who know me would say I have character. I don't know, you'd have to ask them. I have had a lot of time to observe character this week during my recent trip to Atlanta. I work with guys who are very serious about their business and are guys with character. It is rare to find both in the business world. I admire that in a person to the extent I will avoid people who lack it. When the guys I work with noticed during the "dinner" hour in the lobby a gentleman (I use the term loosely) hitting on any and every girl in the lobby, it was a bit amusing at first. Then, when he was attempting to do something shady, they tried to step in and make sure he wasn't taking advantage of someone who was by herself. That takes character. How many people do you know would just stand by and watch things happen and say, "surely I didn't see what I thought I did", or "it's none of my business". That's a cop out. If you see something potentially bad about to happen and stand by and do nothing, shame on you. In the line of business we're in we have to read people. We're good at it. That's why we're in business and it's doing well. We are consultants of sort, so you must know your client and be able to read them. Some of the smartest people I know couldn't read someone if their life was in print on their face. That's why it was such a good thing they are good at it. I wonder why some people compromise themselves to the point they are making decisions that bring their character into question. I am very blessed to work with people with character. Blessed indeed.

Motivation

A lot can be said about motivation. In criminal cases, a crime is committed, the CSI crew comes to collect evidence, then it's presented to detectives who attempt to piece together the crime in a backwards sort of sense. They start with the end results and work their way backwards. A prosecutors job is to present his/her version of what happened and the key to the case is motive. If you have motive and opportunity then the case being presented is probable and could have happened that way, true or not. It just needs to be probable beyond reasonable doubt. In the case of motivating a person to do a certain thing in a certain way is not as simple as a criminal case where you study what happened, interview witnesses and go backwards. In the case of trying to motivate someone, you are intentionally trying to produce a certain result based on motivating that person to act in such a way to produce that desired result. I learned a very long time ago you can teach someone how to do something, you can teach them the reasoning behind doing it the way you have instructed them to do it, but you cannot, however, teach them how to be motivated to want to do it at all. It is different for each person. I work, maintain a home, family, schedules, keep gas in the car and food in the cupboard. Why am I able to do the things I have to do on a daily basis? Motivation. I would argue sometimes selfish motivation, or at least to make my life easier. Why do I make sure Jonathan makes the bus in the morning? Sometimes to the point I will yell like a drill Sergeant to ensure he's out there in time? I don't want to sit in the traffic at Lakeside! Selfish, I know, but motivation all the same. I wish I could offer some advice to those going through their motivation issues who are at the beginning of their adult lives. It's difficult. When you're in the "in between" age of being an adult but being very reliant upon parents for most everything you are motivated to be independent. You want a place of your own and to be able to make all your own decisions. That independence also comes with all the responsibilities of paying your own bills, providing for your own household, and at times suffering the consequence of the results of those decisions. The only thing I can say with a great deal of certainty is when you are trying to decide what to do with the rest of your life, do what you love. You can be motivated to do something for awhile. You might do it for the sake of your family (I have done things I hate for the betterment of my family many times), or for the sake of lifestyle. Those things will only last so long, and if you hate what you do, you will become an angry person, aware of it or not. There is no worse place to find yourself than resenting the job you have, the reason you do it or the attitude you have because you hate it. I loved music. I could play the piano or sing all day long when I was younger. I found out very quickly that a real living couldn't be made off my talents, what little they are or were. I would have to find a job to pay the bills. I navigated a gazillion different jobs over my lifetime. Retail store clerk, sewer in a shirt factory, medical assistant, restaurant server and manager, car sales and now insurance. It took over a decade of my married life to find what I loved and want to do it everyday. I can truly say that I do now. I love helping people and enjoy the customer contact. I think I'm good at it. Finally, I have found my niche. It took Mark even longer. He started to complete his Bachelor's about the same time I started in insurance. He completed knowing it may not take him where he wanted to go, but would eventually get him there. He loves teaching. He will be finished with his Master's of Arts in Teaching in just a few weeks. He would not have been able to do this straight out of High School. He had no motivation. He thought he wanted to be in management in some capacity in retail. He never would have wanted to go into teaching at that time. He wasn't ready, but now he has found something he loves and is doing a fabulous job! How I wish we could all acquire the crystal ball to see the future, but at this point it does not exist. You have to determine what motivates you and move forward from there. Motivation. What a complicated thing.

Band Mom

Since Jonathan has been in High School, all of 7 weeks, the weeks have become tremendously busy. He has band practice after school 3 nights a week and then a game every Friday night. Each Friday he has a game we get home between 11 and 12. It has rearranged our schedule so we are there to pick him up after practice and then games each Fri. To top it off, we are down to 1 car trying to coordinate schedules (Mark is finishing the last semester of his Master's degree, I am working in the office everyday and Jonathan's practice). It has been a challenge to say the least. This has been my Friday evening view for the last 4 weeks and will continue until November. I am not complaining in any way. Not in the least. I know how fleeting the time is with our children when they are young so I do all these things for my kids and my family. I just wonder why schedules and life in general has to be so busy and crazy. When Morgan was in Chorus there was virtually nothing that had to be done. It was pretty much just helping for dessert theater and putting programs together. There really wasn't any traveling (like with the football games), but I did take the kids to All State auditions last Oct. I think we got lost and had to stop and ask directions. CRAZINESS! Those, however, are the funny things we remember. I may not be rich, I may not have fame but being "Mom" is a tremendous responsibility which I can only do with God's help. I love my kids and even though they probably don't appreciate all I have done and do for them, someday I hope they look back and say "Man we had some fun times and even though we didn't always have it easy, Mom was always there and showed me she loved and supported me!". I will continue to treasure every minute!