End of the Year freak out.

Not sure why I am writing what I am today. I am a little stressed out by life in general. The balance needed to meet financial obligations, keep up with paperwork and make a living is hard to achieve. I don't know if I really know anyone who has done it with complete success. Either one part of your life suffers or the other. I have never been a person who feels like I had to do one to the exclusion of the other. I work hard (and by the way work on commission-talk about a stressful life), but like to take the time out of life to enjoy vacations and breaks. I sometimes long for when life was simpler, before marriage and kids. When the most I had to worry about was getting my homework done on time or if I had enough money to buy something I wanted (free of responsibility and obligations). It's amazing to me how some very simple things in life can become complex if we let it. A good example of that could be not talking to someone for a couple of days. If this person is someone you normally talk to everyday, a person who plays out scenarios in their head would let their imagination run wild. Someone who is more laid back wouldn't think anything of it except maybe they were busy. I am a control freak, and I have this need to know what is going on all the time. This is probably why I like the 24 hour news stations and making sure the kids have their cell phones on at all times. As such, I like to drive, navigate, and plan out all vacation routes. Sad, but true. Mark could care less about those things so he just lets me. Part of the give and take in our marriage (thank goodness I'm married to a patient, loving and caring man). Another thing that makes me angry at myself is I can clearly see what I should do, why I should do it and in what time frame. The frustrating part is I lack discipline in my own life. Sad but true. Well, for my 2010, my goal is to let go, trust in God and quit taking back those things I allow to run my mind in 1000 different directions of worry. I need to stop allowing things to run my life that I have no business even trying to control. God, thank you for my life. Help me learn how to trust you more, to the exclusion of everything else. Thank you for the gift of your Son. The gift of perfection that needs no addition or removal.

Christmastime is here : )

I love Christmas and I always have! Weather tends to be cooler (I miss the snow, but just at Christmas-not in March and April!), there is a certain "rush" in the air. I love getting surprises for people and seeing their reactions on Christmas morning (or thereabouts)! The kids are the reason we did a lot of the things we used to do, but now we just do what we want to, when we want to. The one thing I hope I never forget is the reason why the season is so exciting. For me it isn't just about the Christmas gifts and family time, but it is the plan of salvation. God, yes God himself became flesh to carry out the plan of salvation for mankind. When he first came up with the idea (and btw, how exactly does God come up with an idea?), he had you and me in mind for this fantastically perfect plan. I am still in awe and amazement that God, the creator of the universe loves me. Loves me so much he sent his son to die for me. WOW. A very humbling proposition. How can I even remotely show this love back and be the kind of Christian I should be? I guess that's why I love Christmas so very much. It is a time to show charity and kindness. It is when the Scrooges of the world have an opportunity to show brotherly love, even if it is just for a short season. I hope I am not disappointing my creator too badly and can remember to keep the kindness and charity all year long! So, a very Merry Christmas to you, your family and those you come in contact with too!! God Bless us everyone!!

Let it go

I have a few things I try to live by (note the word "try"). First, I try to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated. It's hard when you have a personality conflict or when they treat you like doo doo. Second, I try to be honest with everyone at all times. Apparently my son thinks I am a good liar since I was able to lie to Morgan convincingly when we were keeping our "surprise" from her, so I am capable of lying well even though I do my best to be honest in all situations. It works better for me so I don't have to "remember" what I said to one person vs. another. I try to not take anything personally and let it run like "water off a ducks back". Why? Today may be my last day. I may not make it through. Why waste 1 minute worrying, being angry or holding a grudge? Life is too short. I have known a lot of people who do, and I have a newsflash for you. The only person it hurts is them. The other person, generally speaking, could care less. I really don't know if any of these things describe you, but if it does, take it from me, it isn't worth it. Life is too short. Make sure you tell the people you care about you love them. You never know when it would be the last time you speak to them. I fall short of my own advice many many times. I have to try harder to follow it myself. As a Christian I am even more cognizant of how people are looking at me as to what is an example of how a Christian should act. It is, however, not me but Christ that should be the ultimate example. I am human. I will fail personally as well as disappoint those around me. It's inevitable. I hope those reading this understand that. My prayer for today is that God would help me be a better Christian, Wife, Mother and Friend.