You make me sick, wait........what I meant was I make you sick........

I'm encouraged but am a bit heartsick. Have you ever been heartsick? Have you ever felt like your heart literally aching from being heartsick? Why am I heartsick you ask? Well, a few reasons. Not what people traditionally think of being heartsick over. Not because of a relationship. Not because of selfish reasons to be sure. I am heartsick for my church. I feel like they aren't understanding what kind of blessings that He has waiting for us, but aren't either interested or care about what's going on. I think apathy would be the greatest of reasons why we are in the predicament we are. Maybe I'm wrong. But, this thing I do know.

Our priorities are out of whack!!

Have you experienced that? Feel like you're always chasing your tail, like you are never accomplishing anything and just pacing in a circle?? That's what I feel like is happening in our church. We're questioning why we should do something or not with the wrong checklist. See, the Lord wants to know our willingness to do something and provides for that thing to be accomplished according to His will. Not, do we have the money? resources? people? time? ok, then I guess we can do it.

WRONG!!!!!!!!

God doesn't care about our resources, HE OWNS IT ALL ANYWAYS! He doesn't care about money, IT'S ALL HIS TO BEGIN WITH!!! He doesn't care if you're willing, if you're not, HE'LL COMPEL SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT!! See, we have it backwards. All He wants is us, totally sold out and willing to do His will. Without question. Then and only then He'll use us.

So why, you ask, are you heartsick?? Well, I'm heartsick because I feel like the Lord has given us blessings at our church. Blessings of money, people, resources, time and we squander it on figuring out if we can "afford" something. Not being cheerful in our giving (when we give). Robbing those who could be blessed and ourselves of the blessings that could be ours for doing His will.

I don't want to do that. I want to be sold out, completely and wholly for what God has for my life. I pray I don't squander opportunities provided. I pray I can be used. Period. In spite of my imperfection (trust me I have the imperfection thing down, cold).

Here's the thing..................................

If I'm heartsick for my church....................how much is God heartsick for me????

How many times have I disappointed Him, got my priorities out of whack and caused the creator of the universe to put his head in His hands in shame? Wow. I'm terrible. But that's it. We're all terrible. But He loves us. We all have our priorities out of whack and He still uses us for His work and will.

So, here's my conclusion...............

God uses us in spite of us. Thank God He does!!

So, Christmas is coming. It seems like the stores try to shove your face in it earlier and earlier each year. This year it was Oct 30th. I couldn't believe the tree at the mall yesterday. Are you kidding me? We haven't had Halloween, Thanksgiving, don't forget Black Friday........ then Christmas!

Well, I guess the retailers are scared because of the economy and are trying to drive sales. Who knows....... ?? I guess they're hoping you spend more money. Or if you have a few more months to think about it, you'll fall into their trap.

We're going to Maine for Christmas this year. What ever possessed us to think of going to ME in Dec I have no idea, but we're supposed to go. I saw some of my New England friends on Facebook today saying it had snowed or was snowing. NOT a good sign. I haven't driven in snow for years. Not looking forward to that. I would almost rather visit ME in the fall when the leaves change, before it gets too cold and there is snow.

Owwwwie

So, this is my toe wrapped up. I wouldn't subject you to the trauma that would be the result of seeing the toe itself. No Jen, I haven't had a pedi and looks like I won't be getting one for awhile now! I guess I come by my accidental nature honestly. My sister dropped a rack on her foot at work. Oh well. Could be worse!

Just the facts ma'am......

Have you ever watched Law and Order? Or how about Judge Judy? I like Judge Judy because she can sift through the "fluff" and get to the facts and ultimately the truth. I guess I've always been one who wants to get to it. Just give me the truth and I'll try my best to make the application. I struggle with that in my Christian walk. Am I pursuing what the Lord has for my life? Am I being obedient to the Great Commission? Am I properly pursuing growth as a Christian?? I guess I am disturbed because a person can be one to the exclusion of the other. Some feel the building up of the "temple" and edification of the saints is all a body of believers is supposed to do. Others feel the Great Commission is all that should be pursued leaving behind the growth that is supposed to occur in their life (and the lives of those around them).

* Side note: how are you supposed to make disciples if you are a baby Christian and can't guide them b'cos your own life lacks?? *

A balance has to be achieved, that's how. Are we all called to the Great Commission?? Yes. His command was given to His disciples but in turn it is given to each of us. I was SHOCKED when one of the people I go to church with and I were talking and they shared that they felt not everyone was called to actually "witness" to people, but felt that a life lived correctly should be witness enough. WHAT????? Are you kidding me?

Newsflash!!! Even non Christians live good lives! Are they an example of Christs love and goodness??

After my jaw closed, I asked what the church should be doing and they said building up the saints (the conversation was longer, but this was the gist). Well, at least they got 1/2 of it right. I guess that's why I feel like I've been on a lifeboat adrift in my own church. When going on the variety of missions trips I have, there is a very small group of people that I KNOW are praying for me and actually care what is happening. However, I never felt like I was "First AC Church's missionary", but most thought it's just a "thing" I wanted to do on my own (which by the way was never what I wanted and monetary support is not what I was looking for, it was a 'sending out'). It explains my frustration. It explains why every time there's a board meeting I'd rather have the nails pulled off the end of my fingers than go. The attitude of most in the church is that we don't have enough money. Really?? We have more money than we've EVER had before. But the overwhelming attitude is we have to be good stewards of it (Yes, I agree with that), to the exclusion of anything that would be considered "a cost". Really? Yup, we had a conversation once about value for money spent (in regards to supporting those going to camp- if they aren't a member we wouldn't support them- ARE YOU KIDDING ME??). If we don't get tithing members out of an expenditure we shouldn't spend it. We're going to accept the Lord's money and ignore His work? Wow.

One more newsflash! When we spread the gospel to the lost, generally speaking it is the poor, needy, downtrodden who respond to it, and guess what? They usually don't have money. What a concept! Minister to those in need AND WHO NEED CHRIST!!!

So, what is the correct solution? I am not sure. There are so many changes coming down the pike starting tonight with a visit from our regional superintendent. We'll see. I don't look for any big solution to come anytime soon. There is a good portion on our board who'd be happy not doing anything (they just want an interim pastor), but that would mean more work for those few who do actually try to do the work.

Mark and I are taking a "wait and see" attitude (at least I am). I don't want to make a rash decision based on how I "feel" now. That's stupid and childish. I may be frustrated, but maybe I just need to not be on the board. Maybe I can make an impact without subjecting myself to more frustration. I need to be obedient to the Lord, but on the same token, be a good sister in Christ (sometimes it's hard to love people when you "serve" with them).

Clearly I need HELP........and PRAYER............and PATIENCE, wait scratch that last one.......

I am so glad that the one who created the universe loved me enough to die for me and STILL has patience with me, and uses me IN SPITE OF ME!!! I need to show the same patience with those He's not through with yet either. Pray for me and my church.............I'd be happy to do the same for you!

A sad happiness

Today seemed very sad and very exciting at the same time. John Tate announced he will be going to BICS and joining them as of the first of the year, right after he is married. He officially "resigned" this morning and his last Sunday will be Nov 7. I am more sad than you will ever know. John has become more than just our pastor, but also a close friend. He has spent many Thanksgivings at our house as well as birthday's, been to concerts and games. Our loss is the enormous gain of BICS. I have a greater concern with John's leaving, however, in our church. I am excited for the opportunity God is presenting John with but also with the opportunity we have as a church to rally together and pray seeking His will for us as a body. Please pray for us during the months ahead. It will not be easy to be without John, but we know that God's will is perfect and it is easy to forget that when we become personally involved in the lives of others. We often lose sight of the fact that the Lord has a plan. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and give you a future" Jeremiah 29:11. It is also exciting because I am leaving on a missions trip today. I love going and serving. However, I am going with a saddened heart. I am torn and will be sad for awhile after he leaves. I am so happy for John and Lisa with this fantastic opportunity. I truly love BICS as well! I have a hard time being sad knowing he is going there. So, I guess I would covet your prayers for my trip, our church and our Pastor.