End of the Year freak out.

Not sure why I am writing what I am today. I am a little stressed out by life in general. The balance needed to meet financial obligations, keep up with paperwork and make a living is hard to achieve. I don't know if I really know anyone who has done it with complete success. Either one part of your life suffers or the other. I have never been a person who feels like I had to do one to the exclusion of the other. I work hard (and by the way work on commission-talk about a stressful life), but like to take the time out of life to enjoy vacations and breaks. I sometimes long for when life was simpler, before marriage and kids. When the most I had to worry about was getting my homework done on time or if I had enough money to buy something I wanted (free of responsibility and obligations). It's amazing to me how some very simple things in life can become complex if we let it. A good example of that could be not talking to someone for a couple of days. If this person is someone you normally talk to everyday, a person who plays out scenarios in their head would let their imagination run wild. Someone who is more laid back wouldn't think anything of it except maybe they were busy. I am a control freak, and I have this need to know what is going on all the time. This is probably why I like the 24 hour news stations and making sure the kids have their cell phones on at all times. As such, I like to drive, navigate, and plan out all vacation routes. Sad, but true. Mark could care less about those things so he just lets me. Part of the give and take in our marriage (thank goodness I'm married to a patient, loving and caring man). Another thing that makes me angry at myself is I can clearly see what I should do, why I should do it and in what time frame. The frustrating part is I lack discipline in my own life. Sad but true. Well, for my 2010, my goal is to let go, trust in God and quit taking back those things I allow to run my mind in 1000 different directions of worry. I need to stop allowing things to run my life that I have no business even trying to control. God, thank you for my life. Help me learn how to trust you more, to the exclusion of everything else. Thank you for the gift of your Son. The gift of perfection that needs no addition or removal.